Re-post – A Way with Words

What follows is a repost from this blog. Thanks to a lovely crash with MovableType, I ended up losing my entire site. While I could have recovered almost everything, most of the posts were far from “ever-green” and it seems more logical to do and occasional repost.

I have a freind who is making it his life’s work to translate and publish thousands of pages of ancient spriritual writings. He is doing so because the current translations make almost no sense and are a burden to read today. However, the messages in the work are deeply moving and deserve a translation forward. In many ways, “it is all in the translation”. Here is a post of translation failures.

A Way with Words

Originally published at Lummpy’s Cornere 2005.11.30

English: Icon for translation projects Françai...
English: Icon for translation projects Français : Icône pour les projets de traduction (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am not big on e-mail chain letters but I shall confess that there are a few people who send me classic ones. Marz is one such person.

I am also not too keen that I am uni-lingual. Most of my closer friends are, at least, bi-lingual and I feel that us Americans are a bit arrogant, we mandate that the whole world speaks our language.

Finally, It bothers me when I see that a local corner store announces its obtainment of a liquor license by putting up a sign that says “We sale beer now”. Nonetheless, there is some humor in everything.

Below is something from Marz. Dziękuję.

  1. In a Tokyo Hotel:
    Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice.
  2. Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
    – English well talking.
    – Here speeching American.
  3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
    To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
  4. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
    When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
  5. In a hotel in Athens:
    Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
  6. In a Yugoslavian hotel:
    The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
  7. In a Japanese hotel:
    You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
  8. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
    You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
  9. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
    Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
  10. From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
    Coolers and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
  11. On the menu of a Polish hotel:
    Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.
  12. In a Rhodes tailor shop:
    Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
  13. A sign posted in Germany’s Black forest:
    It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
  14. In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
    Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.
  15. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
    Would you like to ride on your own ass?
  16. In a Bangkok temple:
    It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
  17. In a Tokyo bar:
    Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
  18. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
    We take your bags and send them in all directions.
  19. In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
    Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
  20. In a Budapest zoo:
    Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
  21. In the office of a doctor in Rome:
    Specialist in women and other diseases.
  22. In an Acapulco hotel:
    The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

A Tragic Loss – The Death of Mr. Common Sense

English: the log of the political part the com...
English: the log of the political part the common sense party (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is a re-post from the days before MovableType assisted me in wiping out Lumpy’s Corner and starting over. To be truthful, I could have recovered the entire old blog, but so much of it is terribly dated. Instead, I re-write some of the better ones from time to time.

A Tragic Loss – The Passing of Mr. Common Sense

Originally posted 2005.02.26

I got this in an e-mail from Marz…

I almost never forward such e-mails but I actually forwarded this one and even posted it on Phoenix’s FFAF (Free for all Friday) blog (now defunct)… It is classic…

OBITUARY

Today we mourn the passing of our beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in Bureaucratic Red Tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn’t always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spendmore than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. – Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility, and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers, My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.

Isn’t that just too real?

Yours in Cyb3r Sp4c3,
Lumpy

Zen Sarcasim

I originally published this here on August 15, 2005.  It is still funny today.

I do not often forward or post e-mails I get. I do, however, make exceptions. Here is one:

Continue reading “Zen Sarcasim”

Support the Email Privacy Act

privacy
privacy (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

Personally, I do not believe the erosion of our privacy has made us any safer from terrorist.  I do not believe that the privacy of our email should be any different than regular mail.  In other words, law enforcement should need a warrant  to access it.  Unfortunately The Electronic Communications Privacy Act states that they do not need probable cause to search email.

It is time to change that.  Take back your privacy, contact your representatives and tell them to cosponsor HR 1852, The Email Privacy Act.  You can find out how to contact your representative at usa.gov.  You can also track HR 1852.  It is important that we make some noise about this issue for it currently only has about an 18 % chance of passing.