Warning: Use of undefined constant ‘WP_MEMORY_LIMIT’ - assumed '‘WP_MEMORY_LIMIT’' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/lumpysc/public_html/wp-config.php on line 16
Warning: Use of undefined constant ‘128M’ - assumed '‘128M’' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/lumpysc/public_html/wp-config.php on line 16 funny Archives - Lumpy's Corner
Warning: Use of undefined constant desc - assumed 'desc' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/lumpysc/public_html/wp-content/plugins/adsense-explosion/adsensexplosionopt.php on line 430
Warning: Use of undefined constant json - assumed 'json' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/lumpysc/public_html/wp-content/plugins/adsense-explosion/adsensexplosionopt.php on line 431
We have all seen stupid warning signs and labels before. This post is going narrow the dumb factor specifically to labels and signs that prevent Darwinism. That said a formal definition is in order but before that a few disclaimers.
First off, if you are easily offended by sarcasm, you may wish to stop reading now. Secondly, links will be provided to actual signs when possible, however, these links may cease to function shortly after the post date. These type of images on the web have a tendency to vanish. Finally, please keep in mind that this a satirical, humorous post… not to be taken too seriously. I do not actually endorse removing stupid people from the gene pool.
Definition of Darwinism
1: a theory of the origin and perpetuation of new species of animals and plants that offspring of a given organism vary, that natural selection favors the survival of some of these variations over others, that new species have arisen and may continue to arise by these processes, and that widely divergent groups of plants and animals have arisen from the same ancestors.
2: a theory that inherent dynamic forces allow only the fittest persons or organizations to prosper in a competitive environment or situation.
In layman’s terms, it is often termed “survival of the fittest”. In the context of this post, definition 2 is more relevant. Mainly the focus is that our society is so protective that we let too many survive. This post is themed “stupid people shouldn’t breed” or “death to the dumbest”.
We all do dumb things. The two individuals I am about to mention, take it to an entirely new level. Arsenio Hall coined the phrase “things that make you go hmmmm”. I actually have that phrase as a category here. Check out these morons in the news.
They say pot can make one paranoid. The audio below is certainly an example of that. Listen to these stoned drives, convinced they are being followed, turn themselves in… along with 20 pounds of marijuana.
It seems that the stoned criminals thought they were being followed and decided to call 911 to put an end to the cat and mouse game. I can’t tell from the recording if they were actually being followed but found some humor in their above and beyond cooperation with the dispatcher.
There are two things about this story that hit me immediately. The first is obvious, “could he be that stupid?”. However, I did know an individual who actually did re-gift an engagement ring. Seems this type of stupid runs more common than one would first think. I get the stupid part, there is just one detail I am curious about. Continue reading “Things NOT to Re-Gift – Engagement Rings”→
What follows is a repost from this blog. Thanks to a lovely crash with MovableType, I ended up losing my entire site. While I could have recovered almost everything, most of the posts were far from “ever-green” and it seems more logical to do and occasional repost.
I have a freind who is making it his life’s work to translate and publish thousands of pages of ancient spriritual writings. He is doing so because the current translations make almost no sense and are a burden to read today. However, the messages in the work are deeply moving and deserve a translation forward. In many ways, “it is all in the translation”. Here is a post of translation failures.
A Way with Words
Originally published at Lummpy’s Cornere 2005.11.30
I am not big on e-mail chain letters but I shall confess that there are a few people who send me classic ones. Marz is one such person.
I am also not too keen that I am uni-lingual. Most of my closer friends are, at least, bi-lingual and I feel that us Americans are a bit arrogant, we mandate that the whole world speaks our language.
Finally, It bothers me when I see that a local corner store announces its obtainment of a liquor license by putting up a sign that says “We sale beer now”. Nonetheless, there is some humor in everything.
Below is something from Marz. Dziękuję.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
– English well talking.
– Here speeching American.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Coolers and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany’s Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a doctor in Rome:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.